my first journaling

Why this tears falling down and never stop? Why I feel so sad and lonely at the same time. I really want rely on to somebody but why at the end I always alone. Trust me, I want to run away because I hate this month, I hate this situation, I hate world. 

But I need to keep my self sane, because it always comes up and ask me to go so far away or sick or die because I am lonely. I need to make my self feel better because it always want kill my self. 

I am tired looping in this bad situation. But I cant turn back the time. I am afraid that I blame my self choosing bad decision and make me feel sad all over time. 

I mean problem always happen, but now I am tired.

December always comes with self blaming and bad thought about self harm. You did it. You can handle it. If people can make you be queen..you can do it by yourself. But there will beautiful sky after storm. You can do it. Dont hate december too much. You will okay :)