I was very tired, my mind, my body, my legs all felt very sore. and what hurts more is when there is already a conversation with my spouse but he comeback remains focused on his world. I mean, does he know that his wife is really tired?
Even yesterday, because I knew he had been working overtime at the office, I tried to cook at home. What for? to make him healthy again at the end of the year like he was said "siksa neraca". even though we had plans to go to the hospital for a vaccine, to consult about him then go to the university . I'm even racing against time. like joining a master chef. He easily asked what time us wanted to leave. when my brain is full of schedules and even BPJS registration so it doesn't go to waste yesterday registering him.
I shower in a hurry, I eat in a hurry. my life is uncomfortable. My stomach hurts because I keep chasing time. I even dried my hair while holding the baby. imagine how tiring that would be? My leg hurts, did he notice? when he always confidently claims that he is the most sensitive man in the world to know about me? huh? really???
After cooking, I even still prepare everything the baby needs in the bag. starting from hot water, milk, clothes, diapers and so on.
Even when I went to the hospital, I was still holding my cellphone to check whether the hospital had a doctor for baby vaccines and it didn't feel like a waste of time to drop us off at that hospital. does he realize how full my thoughts are? my brain?
Every day even my head hurts. Every time my legs hurt and even tremors return. does he even realize that this week I didn't have physiotherapy?
Even in hospitals, BPJS registration is almost closing. I tried to take a queue number so it wouldn't be in vain. I thought about him again. holding the baby. Even when I was in the breastfeeding room, I followed him carrying the bag and carrying the baby on the way from the breastfeeding room to the doctor's waiting room, which he thought was far away. I walked to see him, still thinking about waiting for the doctor with him. HIM again??? that he know that?
after going to the doctor's office, and he went in alone. then I asked how the progress was. he explained everything and raised his voice when I was worried about him. when I held his hand because I was sad, why did he experience a condition like this? his response was very cold. I know he is confused about all the costs, with everything he has to face, with the fact that he has to be hospitalized and it is far away in Jakarta. but why did he respond like that when I was worried about him and cared about him?
That night he even looked at me and asked if I was sleepy, I answered my head hurt. he only responded asking me to take headache medicine. wow makes me speechless.
I supported him in running his business, prayed for him even though I didn't like him. He didn't even carry out any of my requests, with him claiming to be the most caring and sensitive human being.
even today he spends a lot of time with kittens and I try to understand him. while hoping he realizes how exhausted I am. Should I be hospitalized because I'm seriously ill before he realizes that his wife is tired?
I even cook while thinking about him, whether I eat it or not, it's cooking. If it were him, he would say that it was a form of disrespect for him. really? fak
When I was doing work and opening the laptop, I wanted to ask for the initiative to hold the baby. but in the end the baby was held by mama when mama was sick without a mask. I even had to chat with him asking his mother to wear a mask. Should I be all that sensitive to the health, well-being of the baby? while he focused on his world again. even when his little brother was carrying the baby, he was holding the cellphone with the sound on full blast when the baby was asleep. so I, who was working, had to take the baby to put it in the room.
Are you carrying my child just to fulfill your ego needs, the desire to hold a cute baby? without fulfilling the comfort, safety and even the baby's health?
It's like 24 hours a day isn't enough, my mind is full of everything and it makes me even tired to get through the day.
Now I'm tired of being his wife. I'm even sick of going through the day. I am tired of marriage life. I was filled with anger. should I think less about him? It more than lonely day.
not only my feet, even my hands hurt, my head hurts. I think I should stop expecting anything from him, will over time my feelings change towards him?
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