The reality is today is built on yesterday and tomorrow is built on today. So the things that happened yesterday will impact you today and the things that happened today will ultimately impact your tomorrow
And so forgiveness is something that you have to have order for you to successfully make it into your tomorrow and so the reality is when you have the power forgiveness in your relationship everything can begin to turn around.
But the question becomes if we're gonna really walk through forgiveness some of the things that you've got to ask yourself is what is your own personal history when it comes to forgiveness.
Some question need you answer first :
1. What has been my overall experience with forgiveness ( think about your childhood, think about the environtment that you were raised in, think about what you've seen what you've been exposed to, what has been your overall experience with your forgiveness)
2. Have I been easily forgiven and do I easily forgive ?
3. Have the ones who have hurt me quickly identified their wrongdoing and corrected their behaviour?
4. Have people in my past apologized only to use it as an escape from punishment without changing their behavior?
5. Do I still have some influential individuals in my life who need my forgiveness or that I need to ask their forgiveness?
If you're an individual who's used to holding grudges and being bitter and remaining in resentment and can't seem to forgive. You haven't forgiven your siblings, you haven't forgiven your parent you haven't forgiven your best friend from 15-20 years ago what makes you think that you can easily and quickly forgive your spouse. You have no track record for it.
I think forgiveness is not design to me, it really hard and need time to let all painful memories. How come easily to forgive while people who tore your heart easily doing bad things?
I found statement that there are 4 types of forgiveness that I want to quickly impact for you that will give you some context.
1. The refusal to forgive : this type where'd you know what you hurt me and I want you to feel the pain that you've placed me in and so im going to now give back to what you've given to me. This types mean you're holding on for dear life what that person has done, oftentimes is a form of punishment. But the reality is the pain that you think you're causing that other person you're really causing yourself.
2. Cheat forgiveness : its like if other person talk to me to forgive so I need to forgive, without need tp talk about it, without need to go into the details. So what happens is we suppress the issue & oftentimes people who engage in cheat forgiveness are those indoviduals who suffer the most with issue avoidance and so to avoid the issue lets just put it behind us because we're peacekeepers. We just want to keep the peace and so taling this issue now potentially puts the relationship at risk and because we want the relationship for dear life will suppress the issue and so what happens is we sweep these issues in the carpen and the issues get bigger and bigger till they consume the room but it doesn't resolve the problem. It because the problem actually follow you everywhere you go.
3. Acceptance. This type is powerful because acceptance is what you have to engage in when you dealing with a partner who is unavailabe or unrepentant partner. This types mean when you forgiving someone its for your benefit and for your own healing, sanity. I've got to forgive you for me I've got to focus on my own healing so that I can become the best version of myself. While I pray that you become repentant in the process.
4. Genuine forgiveness : true forgiveness is a system of accountability where you both are willing to admit what was done wrong and you're working towards the restoration of your relationship and so you're able to have difficult conversations your able to call a spade a spadr and then you're able to ger the help that you need as you both work towards reconciliation. When you do that things begin to go in the right direction.
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